to wish you were the air i breathe
to hope you could be all i need
sometimes i find myself seething with you in mind
is there something wrong with that?
is our love so firm that i found comfort
yet still you anger me and content me
i want you forever and always
though i think your my real love
there is no false pretenses
i know what im getting with you
were both jealous and disturbed slightly
in denial of our faults
easy to piss off,hard to calm down
grudges like walls so hard to get over
i want you regardless forever and always
you bring me happiness and joy
though you annoy me to no end
i want to share the air i breathe with you
to say i dont need you would be a lie.

he was given away not long after he was born
never remembered really
shes been slutting herself since before her babies were made
shes a train wreck
i guess men like that
she aint paid for shit in her life
though her son has
whats a mother with out thought of her child
if she can pill it drink it away
who is she anyways
hes been moved around like hes nothing
i dont even know his whole life story
though hes my baby
i want to take care of him
the way his mother never did
i want to show him how much hes worth
hes everything to me
i feel so connected to him
i feel inseparable from the love i feel for him
hes the most brilliant boy
ive never seen a guy like him before
he stands out
you could not top him no matter who you are
hes got something special
yet that women has no clue who he is
she treats him like hes nothing
i hope he dont cling to her words
dont let him take this whore serious
i want to hold him through the night
kiss him every time he feels anything bad
touch him in ways to make him feel alive
i want to breathe my life into him
hes brought me back from the depths of despair
hes fixed my long lost broken heart
hes everything i need and more
i hope somehow i can give him enough
i want him to live the rest of his life being happy and proud
i want him to feel on top of the world
so he can see just where he belongs
this isent our world
this place corrupts and misplaces the special ones
so how do i make all his pain go away
is it possible to ever fix all thats went wrong for him
can i help heal him by showing him unconditional love
hes all and everything
hes all that matters
yet hes never been treated right.

im removed i dont remain
its empty a shell
close to shattering
my faith my glue holds me together
my pieces are faltering
im un-sheltered
this pain is almost holy
it will teach me great things
i will walk forward with new truth
ive coveted many feelings
though i am blue in this moment
i can not muster enough relief to not feel this
something is turning in me
changing,i am becoming different
i guess i can thank you
for the way you calloused me
maybe i started the ill feelings
i guess now im paying
this isent all bad now is it
im going to wake up one day
though you will remain
i will be healed as time heals
though i will be haunted by you
i will be able to function
i wont need you anymore
i will be able to live with out you
im void and vacant
im cold and saddened
im hollow and open
im willing to start over
maybe this time we wont give in
keep pretending somethings left
when its sincerely dead
we cant hold onto used to be
wish it was
now it aint
i cant stand here with you looking at me
i know you will never forgive me
for all the things ive done wrong
so its time to move on
im sorry love
wish i still had the words
to tell you i love you
it will never go away or fade
though the way you make me feel
isent worth this love to prevail.

Dear God,
Ive lost myself again.I keep trying to hard with things that just dont seem to be working.I keep ignoring you,when i hear you loud and clear.Im a total mess,ive wrapped myself in the thought of a love again.To the point where my existence feels incomplete with out them.I know i love this person,but i dont believe its working.I want more for my life.I want more for Hopes.I want to be a good person,and be proud of myself,and the things im doing.I am not proud of myself right now.I seem to feel like im always neglecting you,and ive learned im not very good at showing my feelings.Im not a good girlfriend,and i wonder if im even a good friend to my friends.I guess sometimes its hard to show my feelings.Ive never really done alot of showing my feelings when it comes to being with someone.But i want to learn to be different.I want someday for me to be able to give someone my all,i want the person im with to be happy,and to feel they can talk to me and share themselves with me,because they know i love them and that i care.And with me being how i am,i guess i cant.I did not even realize how bad i am in relationships.I guess you learn new things everyday.I guess i should not be sad about all this,i should just move on and learn.Its hard to move on.And what if i cant.What if my heart always belongs to him,and i can never fully move on?The only thing i do know about this is that i dont deserve to have someone be so cold and mean to me.Even if they dont see it.I never want to be in a situation where i am made to feel like im nothing,like im meaningless.Especially from someone i love.Someone id give my life for.Someone id kill for.Someone id trust with my life and daughter.Maybe im a stupid girl.Seems thats most likely the answer.Im lost again. Because i let myself fall again.I let myself become dependent.Which you would think id learn from,but i never do.Though im going to make it through this.I know you will help.Thank you God for always being the one who never lets me down.And please guide me and teach me more.Please help me to learn how to treat people,and how to love properly.Show me how to reach out to people.Show me how to be a nicer person.Because i hate to think of people i love not knowing that i love them.I want to be able to show people.And sometimes i cant for the life of me get it into peoples heads that i love them.I dont love a lot of people.And the few people i do,i want them to be able to see it.I want to be able to make people happy that i love.I dont want them always confused and thinking i dont.I dont know. I guess im just a little lost,and i need help.I want to once again start over God,please help me to go the way im supposed to go.God i get so lonely sometimes,i just want someone there,why do i need to feel loved? And why do i stay where im not wanted?Why am i so stupid, and why do i keep thinking things will change? Please fill the hole in my heart that just wont go away.Help me to be whole with out him.Help me to be able to stand on my own two feet,and not need anyone else.Thank you God for listening.And i trust you will help me if i listen.I love you God.
Laura